The cleaning lady woke me up at 8am today and while she did her work I went back to bed, a bit glad that at least I’m not alone in the house because I need to fast today. I’ve. been on my period since Monday and I just feel rundown, thirsty and I’m starving my body is telling me it needs nourishment but I can’t simply have a normal bowl of cereal and be done with it, bulimia said so it’s just how it works.
The cleaning lady asked me if I.have eaten and I said no I haven’t then fixed myself a cup of green tea and only that, I watched her from the corner of my eye the way she looked at the veins on my hands and how I was freezing wearing a huge hoodie, tracksuit and thick socks, it’s a “very hot” day today of course I wouldn’t know this because I’m disordered. I then tried to justify my attire by stating that the living room is very cold, maybe I’m coming down with something I said to her, she nodded not convinced and there was this look in her eyes that revealed how sorry she felt for me. I excused myself saying I had to watch tv she nods I plant a plastic smile. My mum must have told her to keep an eye on me.
So now I’m watching Extreme makeover and counting the minutes til she leaves so I can binge, that thought is in the back of my mind but with all the crap I’ve been consuming this past week I could use a few good days of restriction. I cut some chicken breasts earlier I could grill those for dinner, drink a pepsi light now and eat an orange. discipline discipline discipline. Let’s see how this goes.