Graduation Elation!

3 years, blood, sweat and tears, self doubt, sickness, battling anorexia and bulimia. 3 years is how long it took me to finish my degree without failing any course through out those 3 years. 25 distinctions 7 passes, 32 modules, 360 credits, 6 semesters.

I knew the final result had come in at noon but even when I was sitting in a restaraunt waiting for a friend I just couldn’t bring myself to login into my student portal, it’s not as if I had any doubts but I just didn’t want to put myself in a situation where If it had been a fail I would have been beside myself. So fast forward to 17:30pm when I finally got home and logged into my student portal but the uni site was down because why not? to prolong my misery the suspense was absolutely killing me. 19:30pm I finally managed to login and my god 95% on my final result. I’m graduating with a business management major!

The first person I told was my brother and he said to me “You’re in” haha yeah big bro I’m in. Next I posted it on my twitter and received an avalanche of congratulations which was beyond lovely. Apparently I’m an “inspiration” oh stop it before I get a big head if I haven’t already. The next person to tell was my mum she was working late and it’s not news that I’d want to break over whatsapp so when she finally came home I told her and she gave me a huge hug, god I love that woman couldn’t have done it without her. She held my hand through out my battles with anorexia and bulimia, an unexplained head condition that went away on it’s own. She still continues to hold my hand even more than before, she squeezes it tight.

Dad was the person to tell next and my mum blurted the news out and I was kinda “annoyed” because it’s my news to tell but I suppose she was just too excited it’s not everyday your daughter finishes her degree. Dad gave me a huge hug and he thanked me over and over again then went on to hug my brother and mum saying Congrats to them. Weird. It really does tick me off how in my first year in uni my dad said “we’re just paying the fees but she’ll fail” that broke my heart into a million pieces how can my father not have faith in me, later on when he saw that I was passing with distinctions every semester he started believing in me, that makes me furious that a person want to celebrate my success now but in the beginning he had zero faith in me. Zilch! I am still furious at him every exam I wrote, every time I studied the words he said played in my head over and over again and it drove me to try my damnest.

So here I am at the finish line, I doubted this day would come being conflicted with bulimia and anorexia despite their presence for 11 years. I managed to finish my degree I did not give in, I did not let my EDs kick me to oblivion when I was down though they they did kick me they are the ones that made me fall to the floor together with my ambitions but I never lost track.

My focus now is to try and confront bulimia, beat it, work on myself then post grad in 2014! I plan to drag my own soul to a space, a place a piece of mind where darkness no longer lingers in my bones. Self destruction is not beautiful, I’ve leant that.

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