I’m not really here

 

Today has been that type of day where you feel as though you don’t actually exist and you just spend the day floating around the house, I also have a problem of completely spacing out lately which is probably annoying to those around me. I do not want to ponder over silly issues it has to be absolutely crucial or else I’m not even interested. 

There are times when I look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder if I’m really human, I swear to god I will question my existence until I bleed internally probably, I feel as though I am only here theoretically, maybe this is the early stage of craziness but I’m sure there are other people who might identify with what I am saying.

 Everything is really quiet inside my head today and lately to be fair, I can hear the sounds but where my mind is… where I am it’s really quiet that sort of silence that is deafening then all of a sudden it’s like I’m thrust into the real world again and the silence  stops. The silence is like some sort of calm but I can sense noise and basically a storm brewing right there in my head. I’m numb now but whatever emotional challenge is coming my way I am not equipped to handle it.

The conversations I have with people I’m not really sure if that is me they are talking to because I tend to put on this completely different  personality, I study the person quickly and decide on a personality that’ll match theirs and we’ll get along and have a nice chat after momentarily molding a personality and immediately losing it to return to my normal state.

 I’m not really here… the real me is not here. I could be anywhere

 

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