My life in ruins

I woke up drank coke zero felt kinda hungry so I baked something in the microwave, I knew where this was heading but I said to myself maybe if I have a normal breakfast I would not end up bingeing so I ate then I had toast then I had another cup of coffee with milk then I had some full cream milk, felt bad.. purged. Then I ate again then I went to the shops to buy a packet of biscuits because I HAD to have them, ate the whole packet in less than 20 minutes.. picked on a muffin then purged. Drank another cup of tea.

Dad came home with groceries and my first thought was are you kidding me right now? So now we’re all stocked up on groceries and I feel trapped by all this food. My favourite chocolate cereal is there in the pantry, my favourite snacks are all in there, there are pies in the fridge, pastries, ice cream and I can’t deal with this. I am writing this with a swollen belly I had a beef pie for dinner and I am stuffed, going to hold back on the purging because my hands are shaking and my chest is hurting.

I plan on spending the day out tomorrow or at least part of it, some time away from the house will do me wonders but knowing me I’ll probably won’t go anywhere if I feel fat in my green skinnies.

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