“I’m worried about you” that is what my mum said to me when she saw what my dinner consisted of a boiled carrot, a piece of chicken grilled to death and a tablespoon of beans – Pathetic. She also said that she has been observing me and she reckons I have lost weight and that broke my heart the last thing I want is to worry her she has done enough worrying about me and my EDs to last her a life time. The fact that we went shopping earlier and I almost collapsed so I had to go and sit in the car did not help, she is even more worried.
I had to drink some milk right now because I feel so dizzy and weak I don’t know what is happening to me right now, it’s not anything major but I’m feeling under the weather. I was just calculating my calorie intake and I should not have had the 250ml of milk because it just sent my daily intake to about 354 calories and I was aiming for at least 200 because yesterday I had a mini binge it was not through the roof but just enough to make me want to restrict the next day.
Tomorrow is going to be hard, I’m going to have to make sure mum sees me eating something just so there is peace, my ED always affects our relationship sometimes when she thinks I’m relapsing and I hate that. As I am writing this I feel so light-headed and so sleepy so I’m going to keep this short and sweet.
I get so tired writing about my EDs day in day out because it’s always the same old same old scenario it’s either I’m happy restriction is going great or I’m angry because I binged and I’m feeling fat but I do love how I can just say whatever it is that I am feeling deep in my heart. I appreciate that there is somewhere where I can purge all of my secret ED stories that I’m too scared to utter to anyone in real life.