Earlier when I was getting ready to go bed I felt so weak and my the left side of my chest and my arm was so painful I felt like I had reached the end of my road. It was at this moment I realised that I might not make it to my 22nd birthday if I carry on like this. I’ve lost a lot of weight I know that I’m not healthy right now but what I know and feel is different because I feel fat.
I tried to eat a biscuit today with my black coffee but I only managed to eat half and threw the rest out of the window. I did not finish my dinner and my mum’s stares hurt me because why can’t I just eat like a normal person. She talked to me again today about my weight It’s like I lost a lot during the past 2 weeks. I have not eaten anything substantial today so I ended up eating a few pieces of chocolate in bed. I’m listening to music right now and I feel ill even lying down.
Tomorrow I promise I’ll eat breakfast, lunch and supper. I promise. I feel like crying right now really cry but what good will that do. I am so scared right now I do not want to have a heart attack or anything like that.. I do not want to die, I want a shot at life outside of this mental illness mindset…
Life could be amazing.