What recovery is like?

Image

If this picture really shows a true representation of what recovery feels like because I wouldn’t know then I can positively say that I’m in chapter 1. This picture though it resonates with me it actually makes me furious in a way the whole idea of walking in another street is hilarious like that is so easy to just up and leave. I am trying to but I’m stuck in the same spot I was years ago the only difference is that then I actually didn’t want to move and leave it all behind because my EDs did actually give me what I was looking for I was satisfied… but just slightly… momentarily actually

I have one foot forward and the other is still stuck in the grit, motionless… I haven’t even fallen into the hole yet, I have a long way to.

Choose happiness… happiness for me is looking so fragile, so small, so tiny, that hollowed out look, saggy jeans, sharp protruding hip bones that make me grin when I’m taking a shower looking into the mirror, twig like legs, the visible spine on my back once covered by flesh that disappeared, the glorious collar bones and counting my ribs when I lightly breathe in….. but I have to give that up so that I live and find happiness in another way… but it’s not like it’s guaranteed, I could end up fat and miserable in search of this recovery.

I don’t know.

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One thought on “What recovery is like?

  1. Hey Ruby here,

    That description of walking down the street is so simple yet really effective
    I can relate to what you wrote a lot
    I am in the hole right now I think and am afraid to climb out
    Afraid to walk down a different street
    Even though it may be the only way out
    You say that feeling happy in recovery isn’t guaranteed and that’s true but I guess we’ll never know if we don’t try
    And we don’t have to walk down the other street alone, that’s the good thing x

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