Happy people baffle me in all honesty, I ‘m talking about those people who are perpetually happy how is that even possible. Are some of us unhappy because of what we’re going through or maybe it’s wired in our brain to never be happy. When the sun is shining they are out there soaking it in.. so cheerful so alive, I can’t even get out of bed. The only time I am happy is when I am watching tv shows or when I’ve just dyed my hair but that happiness is meaningless, I want real happiness. Either I’m down in the dumps or I’m numb.
There are however, times when I’m “happy” I suppose some might call it high after taking meds, I feel so invisible and extroverted and in those spaces of time nothing matters, all of my problems, my fears.. nothing. The sad reality is that… that person is a heightened version of me I can never keep. When the meds wear off I’m worse off than I was before taking them and that is the reason why I don’t take them anymore, that and the fact that I became resistant to them.
“The happiest of people make the most of everything that comes along their way” – well, I make the most of everything that comes along my way but I’m not happy, I’m depressed and psycho and often times… Contemplate on giving up.
Those “ happy people” I think are so “alive” and “content” in such a small existence that they don’t even think of creating a life outside of it, they have grown so complacent they delude themselves that they have everything they could ever want. On the other hand some of us are in a constant state of want, we are not satisfied with what we have and we want more and in that mission to achieve that we get disappointed because life is unfair and that is why we are unhappy, that is why I’m unhappy. OR maybe the happy people are not deluding themselves and actually have what they want, either way the unhappy ones, we feel our lives are not what we would want them to be… we are lacking.
Does wanting too much and expecting too much from life result in unhappiness, I suppose when that level of expectation exceeds a certain realistic level … then yes, but I’m not asking much from life I want simple things that some if not most people have and yet I am without these things and incredibly unhappy.
I can’t force happiness anymore because it’s expected of me to be happy. What do I have to be happy about?
The cliché of being the girl with sadness in her eyes.