Do you figure out how to live your life when you’re falling down a deep dark hole. Everything seems to be falling apart… when it falls apart it falls not into tiny pieces but into dust and I have nothing to hold on to. My life at present is undesirable… It always is but now it feels worse. I seem to be losing everything.
It is not my intention to have this blog just so I can moan about everything but I can’t help the way I feel. It breaks my heart the fact that I’m filled with so much sadness and hopelessness. I’m trying to turn a new leaf but when I turn the page it’s already infested with remnants of past unresolved emotional issues.
My inferiority complex is at an all time high, I’m embarrassed by just walking down the street I just want to hibernate for a thousand years. I went to town and a simple trip turned into an emotional affair, I was obsessively looking at my reflection in the shop windows and the tiny self-esteem that I had just detached itself from me. I just wanted to go home. I then bought a weight-loss supplement which I plan on taking religiously. Thoughts of being gone are swirling inside my head. It’s times like this I wish I would just cease to exist… I just thought of my mum and now I feel horrible for saying that but everything is just is so shitty right now.
Bad week or pathetic life, I don’t know.