I will never recover

I tried on the outfit that I am supposed to wear on my graduation day, my aunt bought it for me and couriered it as she wanted to do something for me. The outfit is a 2 piece formal grey suit and some black platform heels (my first pair of heels) It’s really nice, but not nice on me.

Anyway I tried on the outfit and I looked so gigantic, it took me a while to come out of my room, my mum and brother waiting anxiously in the living room. I came out and couldn’t even walk to the living room and my brother and mum were now standing at the end of the hallway. I tried to walk but I felt so repulsed by my body I froze. My brother said oh that suit looks like what Rachel from suits would wear to make me feel better. I just stood there not facing them now standing sideways because I felt like my hips were protruding. I then started to cry and my mum just snapped and just basically told me to get lost.

I then went into my room sat on my bed and it was in that moment I realised that I would never recover. I went into the bathroom to look at my reflection in the big mirror and I did not like what I saw, back in my room my brother came to check up on me and told me again that it suited me, bless his heart.

I am so angry at my mum, now she’s angry at me expecting me to be apologetic, how can I be apologetic for something that I have no control of. I can’t help how I feel, I just can’t. She is giving me the silent treatment now and it pains me. I have never seen her like this, I know I am a lot to deal with but this treatment seems unfair.

Today was an okay day and now it has turned into a nightmare all within a space of 30 minutes. I am tired of life and of everything, I’ve tried lord knows I have. For now… tonight, I give up.

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