Graduation stress

I haven’t posted in forever. I’ve been busy planning for my 923.76 km trip to graduate and I am so stressed, finding accomodation and making a ton of plans. I have never done anything like this even though I am going with my mum and brother they are leaving me to make all the planning which is highly irritating because I honestly can’t do this on my own, I have voiced out my feelings but they keep on talking about how we should do this and that but not actually deciding on anything.

There are times when I think maybe I should just graduate in absentia because I’m so sick of this whole situation. We were supposed to leave on the 30th but now we’re leaving on the 29th because they thought it’d be “better”. How can you leave someone to plan something and not help then just derail it just like that. I thought I would have more say since it’ll be my day but I don’t, apparently.
I am literally pushing every idea I have, repeating myself over and over. I had an anxiety attack on Thursday night and I had to take my meds they are horrible they leave me feeling like crap, that sort of floating feeling. I spent Friday in a daze I don’t even remember parts of it to be honest. On Saturday we had a family gathering and I hated every minute of it, turning down food from the lunch to the desert and also the icecream. I ended up playing camera/dj person to avoid eating

Tomorrow I am taking a break from all the planning and just relax. ED wise I’ve been relapsing like there’s no tomorrow. I bought a slimming tea and with the fat attack syrup I have I hope I’ll lose enough by the 2nd of Oct. My shoulders are killing me, my whole body hurts. Gonna have an early night.

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