Last week was involving. My mum, brother, aunt and I set out for our trip to my university on Monday and we got there safely. We were staying with a family friend in another city from where my university is so we arrived and collected my academic dress then took a cab into the next city where our family friend stays. We didn’t even get a chance to sit down and rest on the very first day we arrived we started shopping up a storm with our luggage still, crazy I know. We would leave our luggage at the parcel counter then go into a store and shopped! We met our family friend in town then went to her house, bathed and changed then went out again for round 2 of shopping when we got back my back was in pain and all I wanted to do was sleep but we had to eat dinner first and I of course panicked when I got served this gigantic bowl of rice with vegetables drenched in oil, it was a nightmare! I just picked on the veggies and fought off a barrage of “eat some more” comments from everyone. I was feeling like a pig by then despite not having eaten anything sustainable, nothing new there.
Wednesday morning on the 2nd of October it was the big day! I was graduating at 6pm but first we had to go into town mum had to shop for an outfit. I was already done with everything, I could feel a sore throat coming on, the exhaustion was horrible and I could myself being more and more anxious. Would my hair look great, will I look fat, Will it all go according to plan and most of all would we get there on time. My mum took ages to find something and I was now getting agitated because this day was now all about her and not about me. We finally left the shopping mall at 2:45pm, the graduation was at 6pm we still had to go and change, the drive to my university from where were staying is 1 hour and peak hour was fast approaching, I was afraid the traffic would make us late so we had to beat it but first we had to call my aunt who was the one driving us there. I was a bundle of nerves then, it took everything in me to hold it together and not breakdown.
My aunt came in time and we beat the traffic, we arrived at the venue and we took loads of pictures, the ceremony was beautiful. I graduated Cum Laude I just felt so proud of myself. I looked and felt thin and that made it amazing if I had felt huge I would have hated it. My body image controls all aspects of my life it’s exhausting
We got back home on Friday and I seem to have caught a flu bug so my weekend was horrible being drugged up and all. My appetite has been ridiculous and today I purged, it has been a while so I don’t knows how to feel about it.
I feel slightly changed since I got back, it’s something I can’t explain butI feel emptier even though I should not feel that way because I have accomplished what I wanted to, the trip was a success it was worth it. My life is doing the opposite of falling apart but I still I am. I feel crushed by my heavy hopes and dreams.