Having one of those days, where I feel like I am doomed for failure. My life isn’t progressing the way I want it to. I have regrets about taking this path academic wise and at the same time I am glad I did. I don’t know, I just want to be someone someday… Maybe I am loser but I don’t want to make a loser of my soul.
My birthday is next Friday and I am panicking, the whole idea of being a year older terrifies me, for some it might be exciting to turn 22 but for me it brings the realisation of how stuck I am and how long I’ve been fighting demons. I have been looking out the window dreaming of what I could be for far too long.
ED wise, I keep spiraling out of control. Binge, purge, restrict. I’m like a robot programmed to perform these actions. My family is on my arse with the whole eating business… now more than ever, it’s as though I’m digging myself my own grave while they gather around trying to take the shovel away from me and I’m fighting them, fighting myself.