8 November 2013

That date is the date I last purged. I’ve managed to go 2 weeks without purging and to me this is huge. This hasn’t happened in years… YEARS. I have binged then restricted but not once in the last two weeks have I have even tried to purge. I did think about it but I’m so tired of being defeated by this disorder, I’m done! I can’t seem to stop the binge and restriction cycle though.

I weigh myself now, stepping on a scale isn’t as scary as it was a month ago. I suppose the reason why I’m not apprehensive about weighing myself is because it’s either I’m hovering around the same amount of kgs or I’m losing a kg or 2. I can deal with the consistency it’s when I gain that I damn the scale to hell and vow to never step on it again.

I’ve been on a course of antibiotics for my throat as it’s really bad, it’s much much better now but one purge could kill me. When I stick my finger down my throat there’s this part to the left that feels like its broken or it’ll snap, it’s all very weird and scary. My medical aid is not working at the moment so on Saturday my mum ended up spending quite a bit of money at the hospital for the consultation fee and on some prescription pills. I feel guilty, I am just an expense. The last time I purged I ended up having neck pain and a bit of an ear ache. It’s probably just a coincidence but I have vowed to myself and to God… I will never purge again. I have vowed a hundred times before but this time feels like it’s different.

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2 thoughts on “8 November 2013

  1. Two weeks is a major accomplishment. As scary as it is, I’m glad that parts of your body are hurting. It shows that your body is also fed up with what’s happening to it. Mentally and physically it looks like you’re on the right road.

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