The past 4 days have been crazy. I have been bingeing since Monday if I could list the amount of food I have eaten I don’t think I would be able to live with myself so I’m just going to block it out.
I was trembling when I stepped on the scale this morning and to my surprise I weigh less than I did last week, shocking because I thought the number would be much much higher. In a way I was relieved but the bingeing has to stop I am afraid I can’t stop, I have this hunger inside of me I.just.can’t.stop.eating!
Today I purged until I was in pain. That’s a million steps backwards and I am not going to dwell on it. My throat feels horrible I have been sucking strepsils after every 2 hours.
The only thing that keeps me sane is writing my poems, it feels amazing to release that burden onto a page though there might not be much alleviation of that burden. I’ve posted the link before but anyway here’s the link to my poetry page http://hellopoetry.com/-the-noose/
Tomorrow is another day which will be filled with the same old stuff and that’s not okay, I need to get out of this slump but firstly I need a job and a backbone.