I was just scrolling through my instagram feed and I literally felt suicidal all of a sudden. Apparently there was a festival on yesterday and it a couple of people posted their pictures, covered in paint and making funny faces, they look like they were having the time of their lives.
These are people my age doing what “normal” twenty-something year olds do and here I am sitting in the living room like I do every single day obsessing about calorie intake, daydreaming about the ocean, a boyfriend, a job, pills and wasting away.
I am giving this sofa, my eating disorders and my depression the best years of my life : my twenties. I know I’ve only just begun being 22 but I reckon nothing will ever change. I do not see myself past the age of 25 to be honest.
I cannot wait for the year to end, come late January next year I will be busy studying again and that is an escape I NEED, bury myself in textbooks, pass my modules and just progress in that aspect I am yet to fail in : education.
Gosh, life is so fucking difficult.