*Inserts title*

This weekend has been okay, On Saturday morning my mother surprised me with a trip to the lake. I just woke up and she said take a bath and get dressed we’re going to the lake! I was uncomfortable at first because it meant a change in routine in terms of eating, I had binged and purged on Friday and I just felt sluggish and bloated, I really wanted to just stay at home and restrict. I said to hell with my ED and got dressed, picked up my aunt and off we went!

It was amazing to get away for the day, to breath a different kind of air. The water looked amazing and we had drinks overlooking the lake, music playing and conversing. When I came back home I was glad I went.

Today started off with a binge and purge then another binge and purge. I feel do drained, these episodes were triggered when I heard two of my friends are starting their jobs tomorrow and I felt like such a failure for some reason, I feel like I am being left behind and I was never a person who compared themselves to others and lately it’s all I do and it is driving me mad because I’m not used to feeling like this. It’s overpowering. Maybe that’s adulthood I don’t know

I know I have my own path, we all cannot walk the same path can we, It’s just that this stage is really terrible. I had a discussion with my mum on Friday and I told her I felt like I was a burden, she of course said I wasn’t but I am.

I am 22 and I have never worked a day in my life and I am ashamed and I don’t see myself being able to work now if I get a job because of studies I would not be able to cope as the work load is heavy but at the same time I want a job so I don’t feel so inadequate, that’s where I am stuck at.

Anyway it’s almost 1am here, I best try to get some sleep!

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One thought on “*Inserts title*

  1. I’m glad you had a good time earlier. And I empathize about the work situation. The best I can say is that you know best what you can handle, and whenever you feel that you’re able to cope with having a job is soon enough. I had my first internship at 24 after graduating from college, so that I had no other obligations. After that, interning during grad school was a breeze for me, though not so much for others. And there are some in my graduate program who handle classes with multiple jobs and seem to thrive (where just thinking about that makes me panicky). The hardest part, I think, will be believing that you know yourself best.

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