These past 2 days I have been actually looking forward to eating meals, there is of course the underlying dreading of food but it is not as intense as it always is. On Wednesday I gave in and purged several times, I just had to do it so I could be done with it then focus on restriction 100%. Like when people say I just need one more hit then I’ll stop or I just need one more cigarette then I’ll quit.
Today I ate a normal sized bowl of cereal and left it at that. Cereal is a difficult food for me to eat because it is a massive binge trigger. I can eat half a box of cereal or the whole thing when I am feeling adventureous on a binge rampage then I’ll go for days or even weeks without touching the stuff. For lunch I had a glass of juice then for dinner I had veggies and chicken with a glass of milk (percentage of fat in milk unknown). I feel like I have gone overboard but reason tells me I haven’t, clearly.
Things are getting back to normal in the house my mum and brother are going back to work on Monday and I am terrified of being left to my own devices with a fridge full of goodies. I know how it will all pan out, I will binge a lot this week like I will be making up for all the days I haven’t been able to do so freely.