Demon of consumption

These past 2 days I have been actually looking forward to eating meals, there is of course the underlying dreading of food but it is not as intense as it always is. On Wednesday I gave in and purged several times, I just had to do it so I could be done with it then focus on restriction 100%. Like when people say I just need one more hit then I’ll stop or I just need one more cigarette then I’ll quit.

Today I ate a normal sized bowl of cereal and left it at that. Cereal is a difficult food for me to eat because it is a massive binge trigger. I can eat half a box of cereal or the whole thing when I am feeling adventureous on a binge rampage then I’ll go for days or even weeks without touching the stuff. For lunch I had a glass of juice then for dinner I had veggies and chicken with a glass of milk (percentage of fat in milk unknown). I feel like I have gone overboard but reason tells me I haven’t, clearly.

Things are getting back to normal in the house my mum and brother are going back to work on Monday and I am terrified of being left to my own devices with a fridge full of goodies. I know how it will all pan out, I will binge a lot this week like I will be making up for all the days I haven’t been able to do so freely.

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5 thoughts on “Demon of consumption

  1. I’ve been watching some youtube videos by this woman that dealt with an eating disorder for over 10 years I think, and she is now recovered. She talks a lot about intuitive eating, and though it is difficult, I have seen a lot of improvement in myself just by listening to her videos. Here’s a link if you’re interested: http://www.youtube.com/user/helpfored/videos

  2. I feel you and the struggles you face. I found recovery 6 years ago at age 22. It was a bumpy road, but things get easier when you are eventually able to say no to ED and let him know you want to feel so alive… ❤ love to u tonight!

  3. I know what you mean, my boyfriend date with me for two weeks and they day he left I went on a binge rampage to make up for all the days I didn’t binge, and when he was showering id be scavenging for food. I saw the urge coming.
    Take care little one!

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