About a boy

I am starting to get annoyed with a guy friend of mine, he is extremely relentless I find myself rolling my eyes with each text he sends me. He was a great friend at first .. still is actually. He is the first person in real life I have ever told about my bulimia and anorexia and he was so understanding and supportive of the whole thing, he was my confidante when it came to my depression the ED relapses, he was my crutch and I have never had that, to open up completely to someone and not feel ashamed but then he later confessed that I was his dream girl or something like that and I just felt so betrayed.

I know I sound ridiculous but you bare your soul and build this no holds barred friendship then someone drops a bomb like that on you. I can go even as far as saying he led me on – yes! Led me on into thinking this would be a great friendship that would last, something that everyone needs needless to say friendship wasn’t what he had in mind from the get go.

In all honesty he is an amazing guy, he is a sufferer with big overwhelming emotions, the poetry writing type with a sense of humour for days… definite boyfriend material, but I am not attracted to him. I wish to God looks didn’t matter but they do, call me shallow but sometimes you cannot get past the fact that you’re simply not attracted to the person no matter how great their personality is.

This afternoon he whatsapped me and what started as normal conversation turned into him sending me audio snippets of songs and other poetry recordings saying stuff like how I was “a defined yet vague spirit that has touched his heart in ways that he didn’t know was possible” I do not want to lose a friend here but how many times must you turn someone down before they get the message. His advances are drenched in this somewhat ludicrous intensity and emotion, I don’t want to break his heart. I feel like I am betraying him by even typing this.

“I hear something hanging in the air, feel so close.. That lingering scent of flower and those hanging words of yours they follow me”

“Sometimes I think only a flower can save me”

“Whenever I’m silent it’s only because I’m thinking about you”

-The flower he is talking about is my middle name.

This is just the tip of the ice berg, I cringe each time and I usually reply these sort of messages with “aww” “thank you for your kind words bud” or jokingly say “there you go again with your bullshit” If I scrolled through our conversation I will definitely find more. Wish he would just stop bleeding all these words and get the hint, I have explicitly told him several times that we will never be in romantic relationship. I am getting agitated, I just want my friend back.

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3 thoughts on “About a boy

  1. Wow…I was just talking with my mom today about how I have had guy friends and they always want more than friendship. I really enjoy have male friends, but when they want more it’s such a depressing thing because like you said you kind of lose a friend. Someone you trusted. But at the same time if I were attracted to my male friends I would be happy they were into me, but if you aren’t attracted to him…then yes you’re being put in a very weird position. Hopefully he lays off soon.

  2. That’s the hardest part; trying to get it through to someone that has romantic ideas. It hurts so much to be turned down, but at the same time, you don’t want to be with him and hurt him more in the long-run. You can’t force something you don’t feel.

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