Migraine and weirdness

It’s 4:45am and I woke up about an hour ago with the most excruciating migraine. I think it’s time to go to the doctor, I thought it was one of my post-menstrual migraines because of hormone changes and iron deficiency but I am beginning to suspect it’s more than that. Today it’s day 5 of this migraine, just when you think it has subsided it gets worse. I even gave up restriction this weekend and threw in a couple of snacks in my diet and I have been hydrating a lot. It’s funny how good I take care of myself health wise when shit hits the fan. I never eat breakfast but when I feel ill like having this migraine I eat breakfast, it’s like I need a crisis a health scare of some sort just so I can eat 3 meals per day.

The reason I didn’t go to then doctor earlier is because of the scale thing at my doctor’s office, get your bp checked, your temperature then they weigh you… gosh I hate that procedure. My doctor will want to follow up on how I have been doing ED wise. He could comment on how healthy I look and healthy to me means fat or he could say I look unwell and by that he means underweight, all the time I always cross my fingers and hope it’s the latter.

I used to be one of those people who go to the doctor’s for a minor illness or an imagined illness basically hypochondriac tendencies, I accidentally cut my pinkie once with a knife and made my dad take me to the 24 hour because I thought I was bleeding to death, I wasn’t. These days I’d have to be bleeding from every hole in my body or foaming at the mouth before I can even consider going to the doctor.

The migraine seems to have gone away I can still feel it but at least now it’s much better, I took some headache powders. I don’t foresee myself going back to bed, I’m just gonna chill in bed until the sun comes up which should be 2 hours from now. It feels nice and quiet.

I had a weird dream tonight, I dreamt I was giving an eulogy for someone named “Dolly” then I when I went back home a corpse appeared at my gate (which I assumed to be this Dolly) and it opened up it’s arms to hug me and it said “Merry Christmas”, In the dream I was debating whether I should hug the corpse back & I felt bad for not hugging back because how could deny a happy and kind corpse a hug but I didn’t because it was gross, greenish and covered in slime. I found this odd, a bit disturbing and hilarious at the same time. Right after that dream that’s when I woke up with the excruciating migraine

I can’t wait watch the Oscars, I’m avoiding social media because I don’t want any spoilers. I am recording the ceremony and the E! red carpet. This is the first time in years that I haven’t stayed up to watch , time difference sucks because here it’ll be 3am when the show starts. I hope Jared Leto wins he’s just so hot with his long ombre hair!

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5 thoughts on “Migraine and weirdness

  1. I am so sorry, dear friend, that you are going through so much pain! I wish you only the best, and a speedy recovery. Maybe try some easy, deep breathing, or any relaxation techniques in the mellow dark? Whatever works for you.
    I read that you have a very difficult time going to the doctor because of the part where the nurse gets your vital signs and weighs you. I am here to tell you that in the 7 years I struggled with Bulimia, I avoided that situation as well…until one day, my nutritionist who was also a therapist told me to always let my medical team or healthcare providers know that I am dealing or have dealt with Bulimia, or an eating disorder, and am just not at a point where its healthy for me to know my weight. They must respect your wishes as one part of your health affects all the rest (your state of mind upon their weighing you), ya know?

    Instead of suffering in silence, as I sometimes did before the wonderful gift of this knowledge, have the medical professionals weigh you backwards, where you are facing them and not the scale or the wall or whatever. Trust me, it will change your life! Not only will you be building up the crumbled wall of your self esteem that ED has knocked down over time, but you will be more apt to seek medical treatment when you really need to get help for any illnesses or problems that arise! 🙂
    I did a Google search for complications of Bulimia, or what happens as a result of our self harming behavior, and here are some of the problems that come up:

    Fatigue and lack of energy Amenorrhea (loss of menstruation) and irregular menstruation, Dizziness, ***Headaches-Here’s where the Migraine might be from!***, Dehydration, Constipation and diarrhea, Shortness of breath, Irregular heartbeats, Depression, Tears of esophagus, Hair loss, Stomach pain, and bloating Erosion of teeth enamel.
    Its really not worth it. Regardless, I have been there myself, in your shoes, so I know a list of facts might not be enough to help you turn things around-but, its a start!

    I found these facts of complications from Bulimia at this website:

    http://www.mirror-mirror.org/phymed.htm

    Finally, I want you to know that I, personally, am always here for you. I know very well the pain you are experiencing, the roller coaster of emotions, the hurt, rage, depression, all of it. Drop me a line anytime on my ‘drop a line’ box at the top of my Home page, or even in any comment section on any post. I would love to be there for you.
    God bless you! Try and rest your eyes, even if you cannot sleep.
    ❤ Night!

    • Thank you for your kind words, I ended up going out for a walk in town in the sun at about 7am, it was very relaxing and I am confident the migraine has gone away. *knocks on wood*.
      Those side effects you mentioned I know them too well and some are less intense but since lessening the purging I am not experiencing them as much with the exception of the migraine which I’m beginning to believe is being caused by the binge- restrict cycle. I won’t hesitate to contact you if I need someone to talk to especially since you’ve been where I am, it means a lot to me thank you, God bless you too. 🙂

  2. Jared Leto is very hot. And has a beautiful voice to match. I hate you’re having migraines. Doctors piss me off because they go by charts and statistics, now how each persons body is individually built. Just because I’m 5’10” doesn’t mean that I have to weigh 155 pounds to be considered ‘normal weight’ … I look sick as hell when I weigh that much. I’m healthy at a solid 180. I have a broad frame. But to a doctor I will always be ‘overweight’ because I don’t adhere so some stupid chart. I’m just not totally sure how this all applies to anorexia, because no matter what you weigh you will always think you’re big. 😦

    Maybe your dream was a symbolism of whether or not you want to die? To me, having to make the decision to hug a corpse or not signifies your inner turmoil of how scared you are to die, but how you don’t want to have to face what your body is going through without proper nutrition. Dreams can be strange that way.

    • Doctor’s chats can be bull at times and hate it too how they don’t take the person’s build etc into consideration and don’t even get me started on those BMI calculations they completely exaggerate the whole situation. I never thought of it that way but your interpretation of my dream makes sense my dad reckons they are evil spirits and if I had hugged the corpse I’d have died in my sleep… nevermind him, he’s VERY dramatic.

  3. Hello love,

    I am totally with you on the doctor thing in terms of the stupid vitals and weight. I finally started telling the nurses that I didn’t want my weight to be taken, and they haven’t argued. It is always up to you.

    I hope you are feeling better!

    xoxo,
    K

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