I haven’t been in a good space lately, I am not profoundly sad neither am I happy I am just in this weird numb zone and I can’t be bothered with anything that has to do with emotions. It’s great to turn it off sometimes and be devoid of feeling. I haven’t had much to say lately either, I’ve been reserved more than usual. Last week everything mattered, every single thing was a matter of life or death and extremely significant but this week it’s the exact opposite. I’m not one to hear voices but I do hear a lot of noise like the kind a crowd would make when there is chaos in my head, it’s extremely quiet so much so I can actually think straight.
I will not be surprised when I am back to my panicky self, I’m learning to live with these imbalances. The headaches are gone though I have been having these weird “wave” like sensations in my head, like feeling someone is touching my hair and lightly stroking my scalp…Weird! The last time this happened I was put on antidepressants (unbeknown to me) my doctor and mum didn’t tell me I was on antidepressants I later found out that was the case a few months ago while having a conversation with my mum and I was shocked to say the least. At the time I thought I was taking something else completely different but then again I was so ill they could have given me anything really and I wouldn’t have known.
It’s nearly 2:30am and I have to call it a night as I have an early morning tomorrow as early as 6am so will be getting about 3 or so hours of sleep, Oh joy!