Earlier I went to the hospital to visit the lady who goes to my mum’s church, she just had a baby and it was a c-section. She is always nice to me, always smiling and encouraging me so I felt obliged to go and check on her so when mum told me she was going to the hospital in the afternoon I decided to tag along. As we entered the maternity ward I felt my head getting hot and the hospital smell bothered me. The room she was in was too stuffy because the aircon wasn’t working and it wasn’t a private room, there were about 4 other beds in there. I looked around me and all I saw were these women who had just given birth and were in agony. They looked miserable with their bed hair as they breastfed their babies and I swear my uterus vibrated in protest, almost as if to say I never want to end up here. The longer I stayed the more I felt like I was going to collapse into a heap on the floor at any moment. There were plenty of people from the church who had come to visit as well so we kept the visit short and sweet then we went on our way.
I know I tend to be dramatic but I that hospital ward really haunted me. I can’t get the looks on the women’s faces out of my head, of course they are overjoyed to have a new bundle of joy but they looked ruined. I looked at the lady on the bed behind me and I thought to myself “woah it’s gonna be a bitch for her to lose that baby weight”. If you want to be put off ever having a baby just visit a public hospital ward with 5 miserable looking women and your uterus will go into hibernation forever.
All bullshitting aside, I would love to have kids someday definitely but what I saw today opened up my eyes to the reality of it. I then thanked god I didn’t end up doing nursing. My dad wanted me to do nursing and I refused because I felt it wasn’t for me, he even got furious with me back then but I stuck to what I had always wanted to study. There are people who have it in them, I don’t. What if I contract some virus while doing the nursing and get an incurable disease…. this is my acute paranoia talking. When you almost collapse walking down the hallway of a hospital what more actually working in one, touching people and cleaning fluids.. blood etc. I respect nurses so much they put up with a lot of crap.