Early morning thoughts

1:44am… I cannot sleep and I have an early morning as early as 6am. I just had this moment when I started to compare myself with other people and I began to feel like I’m not good enough, not attractive, I’m a bad friend… a flake no wonder my two friends and I don’t speak that often anymore because the friendship is always “on them” if they don’t text me we’d never talk because I don’t want to risk annoying them by texting them… I give a guy my number when he suggest we hang out I get so infuriated I tell him to immediately stop communicating with me and if I’m to be honest it’s because I was never attracted to the person in the first place. I have this image of a guy I would want to be in a relationship with but he doesn’t exist because I have created this AMAZING person in my bead and anyone who comes along falls short always, It’s no wonder I’m alone. I just remembered it’s almost 2am and this time is notorious for negative/bad thoughts that surface. I should just force myself to go to sleep

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3 thoughts on “Early morning thoughts

  1. I’ve been there. I know it really sucks. Looking back at my life, a decade ago, before the healing began, before I found recovery with the eating disorder and I was ever diagnosed with Bipolar…I see clearly now that I was blinded. I got so caught up inside of myself that I missed out on a lot that life really had to offer the younger me. The 28 year old me that I am now and the 18 year old me then are 2 totally different women. Ten years ago I laughed when people told me someday I would find ‘the one’ for me. I knew in my heart that I would never find Mr. Right and Never get married. I’m sitting here on my computer and he’s in the other room making dinner. My answered prayer. We’ve been together 5 years. We’ve had our special times, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but at the end of the day, I could not ask for more.

    With tiny steps comes change, and with change comes breakthroughs, and beyond breakthroughs you soar in recovery! You are a strong spirit! You can do this.
    I am still putting positive info in my mind as we live in a world that can be really negative sometimes. I think we are our own worst enemies. Or at least we can be. So many times the war is one sided. We are fighting nobody. In fighting ourselves, we stay in the same place. There is growth in tiny changes.

    Get some rest, dear! Tomorrow will be here soon for you.
    Let tomorrow take care of these worries, and rest your head.
    God bless!

    -Amanda

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