Of reminiscing and lashing out

Had a quiet Saturday went out for a bit then came home and saw mum with her friend from high school, I loved the way they were reminiscing about old times, I saw a different side of my mum today, the stories they were talking about were so hilarious. They looked through some photos of when they were in high school and it made me feel bad about the fact that I have no picture of myself in my uniform when I was in high school, seriously how on earth does that happen. I know a friend of mine has a picture we took as a group and I am planning on facebooking her so I can make a copy, I just hope I don’t come off as random and I hope she still has that picture.

I haven’t written about ED lately because it’s mostly the usual cycle nothing different really except for Monday when I purged a little then I looked at my finger and there was blood on it which made me panic so I chewed ginger and was shaken up the whole day and haven’t really thought about it until now. It’s stupid, I’m stupid, why keep on repeating the same behaviours.

I yelled at my mum tonight and it left me feeling so horrible I was feeling on edge and I was pacing around the kitchen debating whether I should eat a proper dinner tonight or the usual pathetic dinner I usually have, she just walked in and started talking about how I shouldn’t stand so close to the microwave because I might get cancer, my mind was racing and she kept on talking and talking and I just lashed out at her, I can’t remember what I said but I know I hurt her feelings which sucks because I do that to people sometimes and they take it personally when it literally had nothing to do with them.

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