I have been extremely busy these past few days. I have also been feeling really depressed it got really bad last week I just didn’t know what to do and it was really scary. The last time things were this bad was last year in December, it’s this heavy feeling of sadness and I found myself crying for days. I felt like I was standing in front of a gigantic wall and I was going to face that wall forever. I feel better now most of those thoughts have gone away but I still feel down.
I have to be strong for my mum because she has a really bad fever and awful tonsillitis. We spent 2 hours in the ER yesterday, she got some meds and I have been doing everything for days now so I really haven’t had the time to ponder on the meaning or meaninglessness of my existence. Mum is feeling much better now but she gave me quite a scare I had no appetite on Friday night because I was so worried, she doesn’t get sick often that’s why I was extremely worried.
Tomorrow is another day of the same old, you know that feeling when you’re on a roller coaster but you’re not really that into it and when it descends again and again it’s just like here we go again… it’s chaotic and everyone else seems to be enjoying the ride or they’re doing just fine and you on the other hand you want to get off (and go on some other ride) – that’s what I feel like every day on this ride called my life.