Envious

And sometimes I  (regrettably) feel that it’s easy to talk about this grace and “feeling blessed” when you are sitting on a higher chair, filled with content and aren’t being devoured by whatever plagues you.

I am envious of my cousin, she is everything I am failing to be.  I wish her dad (my dad’s older  brother) was my dad, he has connections and is basically a man who had/has direction in life and now it’s paying off. I never used be like this comparing myself to other people but now it’s all I do, it’s demoralising and exhausting. I guess it comes with growing older. Also we must not forget the crippling anxiety and lack of self esteem package you get for free when you compare yourself to others. Oh goodie.

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