Rejection is okay
Yes it really is.
Ever since I was young I have always wanted to be a model. I am 22 years old and in the modelling industry I am a dinosaur. I went to a casting today for a fashion week event to be held in August (Not a major event though). Heels and a blazer, I felt so smart in my attire and so driven. It was one of those now or never kind of things so I owed it to myself to go whatever the outcome would be. I almost didn’t go, would they think I am too fat? Is it a good idea especially with my ED etc
So I got my chance to audition and I must admit my walk my atrocious as compared to the other girls. The other girls were thinner and I just wanted my hips to shrink. It’s funny though, a person like me with an eating disorder going to a casting throwing myself to the wolves were I know I could be triggered because of other thinner girls and placing myself up for my body being scrutinized but I wasn’t triggered or emotional it was just one of those it is what it is situations.
On my walk home I think I accepted that we are all created different but I haven’t made peace with it and it still stings because it’s so. I don’t think I’ll get a call back, they let down easy saying I was too short (I am 171cm & they were looking for 176cm and up) and that they would “re-evaluate”. Not holding my breath, it was an experience but I am not done. I will go to other castings especially those that aren’t strict in terms of height and measurements. I don’t want to be this super model, I just want a taste of my childhood dream and if I get rejected it’s OKAY because a decade from now I’ll look back and say “hey at least I tried and I put myself out there” as opposed to “I wish I had tried it out”. There is no greater sting on the heart than that of regret.