After one and a half days of reckless eating and purging until I didn’t feel so full, that’s the game these days to purge until I feel comfortable without making sure I purge everything out. In a silly way I think a “partial purge” is less risky and not the same as full on purging but I know it’s all ridiculous thinking.
Today I woke up feeling extremely nauseous, let’s call it a food hangover. All that ice-cream, pie, cereal, crisps and muffins- I could rip my stomach open to empty out all the contents if that were biologically possible.
I decided to weigh myself for the first time in weeks, our scale isn’t one of those modern scales because you physically have to aim the thingy on zero. I stepped on a bam I was 5kg’s more than when I last weighed myself, I didn’t know what to do so I started laughing hysterically… I got off the scale only to discover that it was on 5kg and not zero… Sigh of relief, I have pretty much maintained my weight for a while, and to be honest I’ll take that anyday as opposed to a gain.
I know I could weigh far less with the weight loss herbal product I take but with all the bingeing and my undying love for biscuits I am definitely not doing myself any favours. I am restricting today, I have taken my weight loss tea about a litre and boy I feel nauseous, faint and full… Whatever I’ll survive.
4 am: Thursday
It’s 4 am now, still buzzing from the world cup excitement and my essay kept me up. Feeling proud of myself because I could have devoured the biscuits in my bag 2 hours earlier but I did not, I suppose I have limits. It’s pretty ridiculous how I always have a secret stash of a little something to nibble on in my room, it’s like some sort of security… something to turn to. If my bedroom were to be turned upside down I would be utterly humiliated because there are probably loads of food wrappers hidden in places I can’t even recall.