http://www.mirror-mirror.org/set.htm The article above reminded me of a post of mine Fighting my biology The set point theory makes sense, your body is genetically meant to stay within a certain range. Nowadays when my weight fluctuates (as it always has) if my weight goes below a certain number my body starts to shut down before I used to be able to cope I’d feel horrible but I’d still be active and hell l bent on losing more… doing hundreds of situps etc whereas now if my weight is low I find myself not able to get out of bed because of sheer exhaustion even after sleeping for 12 hours, can hear my heart beating really fast & always on the verge of blacking out.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but when skinny comes with heart palpitations, absent periods, extreme dizziness and moods from hell then skinny doesn’t taste so good. I am not underweight now and I’m fine with it to an extent, in a way I feel like I’ve lost discipline which pains me because I’ve always been good at that. This lack of discipline has also been reigning terror over my studies, I am not studying for hours and hours and no longer near as perfectionistic as I was a year ago. I’ve slipped into a state and I can’t be bothered to snap out of it because what’s the point.
Reality’s fist punched me in the face, life after graduation doesn’t magically change and everything won’t fall into place despite all your hoping, praying and efforts because the sad truth is where there is will there isn’t always a way. I know I’ll go back to my former rigid (and productive) self I just haven’t found the right motivation.
My body is demanding nourishment, I stay up late studying and I cannot concentrate because of my hunger gnawing away at my insides…. I never give in there and then so I just go to bed without studying (problem; studies being affected). It’s always the following day when I find myself clearing up bowls of cereal because of hunger, surely I could have just eaten a normal portion the night before and avoided all that but this is the disorder… This is bulimia and this is a fight.