The boys are already in your yard.

I’ve been chatting for hours with someone who is very dear to me, I adore him as a friend… a confidant whom I share my troubles with, its easy with him because I don’t feel judged and all the conversations just flow naturally…. its great. I feel bad because I know that this is all this relationship is ever going to be because unlike him I don’t want it to be more than just friendship and it gives me comfort knowing he wants more but stresses me out at the same point, I feel I am being very unfair but I am not stringing him along & I am.not responsible for his  & he knows that. Though implicit I hope we have come to an understanding, this is just friendship.

The entire time we were chatting I kept looking at my whatsapp and pondering why this other guy who I think is absolutely gorgeous just stopped replying to my texts mid-conversation. A week ago, it was weird one minute we were  having a decent conversation… a few funny jokes here and there then the next it was all silence. And I thought I was being charming and sounded smart. Guys are weird.  Maybe he stopped communicating because a fridge fell on top of him and he is in a coma and can’t talk but right there in his hospital bed  I’m all he is thinking about??? hahaha!

I have too much pride, I won’t call him or text him. It’s about self respect and this is a classic case of “he is just not that into you”. Communicating with him sounds so easy I could just drop him a text with a nonchalant flair and not so desperate sounding but by doing that I’d be embarrassing myself farther. One of the qualities I love about myself is my ability to see things in a comical light, there are some times when I don’t see other things in that light and I cry because it hurts but tonight I’m sitting in my bed and laughing about this guy thing.

I get crushes on guys who are out of my league,  those “it just wouldn’t work out type” and those who live far away. I pine over the bad guys who are far out of my reach. I turn down the goods ones guy who are interested and sweet and kind. By “guys” I mean 2  I don’t want to give the impression that I am in demand or I’m literally beating them off with a stick because that’s not the case… Far from it.

You can spend a lot of time worrying about not having that special someone in your life but the boy(s) are already in your yard… But just because they’re in your yard it doesn’t mean anything when the one you fancy isn’t anywhere near that yard.


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