Today like most days I let my anger consume me because of someone who keeps asking too much of me despite the fact that I don’t owe them a damn thing, its the same scene, same dialogue, different day and the more it keeps happening the angrier I get and then my mind goes into this state and it stirs up emotional shit that I prefer would remain buried & I start to feel powerless like the battle has already been lost. Today I was beyond livid but then it hit me, I can choose how these conversations/situations affect me. I can rage and fight this person with words because that’s in my nature- being argumentative & confrontational but not I can’t do that anymore because I’m filled with so much rage I don’t know where to start if I were to start fuming & I’m tired of fighting… I’m so tired of all these wars whether I am in the crossfire or the frontline, I’m just tired.
Anyway I was saying I realised that I could choose how a certain situation affects me and from now I will try to block it out and move on. Words are just words they don’t mean anything, all the hurtful words said to me…. the snide comments and assoholic assumptions I am choosing to stop being so god damn sensitive. I know its easier said than done but for the sake of my mental well-being I need to try it. No more easily getting angry, I wish I was more like my mum she’s the most gentle person I know, she moves on and lets things go while I on the other hand have a tendency to hold on to everything bad that was ever said or done to me, holding on by fingernails when it’s clear all this shit is weighting on me and it won’t be long till I drown. Then you have people adding more load of hate and anger by the things they do… Going under.. Well not quite, I’m trying this new thing called…. I won’t take things to heart.