In our culture thin isn’t something that is desirable, to be a normal woman who is desirable or whatever you have to be plump. You even see thin women buying all kinds of pills to gain weight and some even wear “butt cushions” to make their bums look bigger. Then they all look at someone like me forever pursuing thin & that’s why they can’t understand the reasons behind my actions. So if you’re not fighting yourself, you’re fighting a system of beliefs you don’t adhere but others do. I have never felt like I belong to any culture or anything like that, all my life I’ve lived according to the standards I set for myself.
There are some in my extended family who don’t even think EDs are a legitimate mental illness.
Most of the older people my family both mum and dad’s side carry a little extra weight on them. Family gatherings are artery clogging food fests filled with different kinds of food, it doesn’t stress me out because it’s always easier to disappear into the masses & nobody will bother me on why I haven’t eaten but there is the inevitable discussion with one or two family members & they’ll ask me something along the lines of “Are you eating normally these days” to which I’ll reply “Yes” then someone will say “Why would you want to be thin when this family is a family of giants” then at this point my aunt will chime in and say “just a little more okay” – meaning I should gain just a little more weight. I find this notion crazy of course can’t she see how I’m practically oozing out of my clothes.
There are some doctors who laugh you out of the room and basically tell you just bloody eat normally and keep it down. If you’re suffering from depression or whatever they give you pills that make you sleep all day and give you the number of a counsellor who doesn’t give a rats arse & this is a private hospital we’re talking about and it’s the same everywhere. There are some amazing health professionals though but they are rare that’s why when I found my current doc I hung on to him because he’s great.
It’s not my duty to try and make them understand quite frankly I don’t care, all I can spend my energy on is my *futile* attempts at recovery & all the other stuff I face.