I am deeply saddened by the suicide of Robin Williams, to me it’s this sudden realisation that with depression it really can and come to that- ending your own life. We all have our own struggles, we can carry them and they weigh on us but no one knows how close they are to doing the unthinkable. There are days when I wish for an ending to this suffering, death is unappealing but in those moments death seems like the only viable option. I then go about my day and wake up the following morning, those feelings of wanting to die dissipate but the next wave of sadness is always around the corner and with each low I find myself nearer to the edge and that scares me, each day feels like I am more entrenched than I was yesterday. The older I get the worse it gets. My rational self wants to thrive not just survive, my rational self wants life. It really gets me wondering how really close am I to tipping myself off the proverbial cliff.
Robin Williams was always alive in our house especially as a kid, we had cassettes of his movies and I always felt warm watching his movies and laughing.
I was going through my instagram feed and this post by Sophia Bush touched me, I didn’t cry right away then I got up and all of a sudden I felt this wave of intense emotion in my chest and my throat, it’s extremely powerful.
“Woke up today, still thinking about Mr. Williams. Thinking about the profound and
personal sense of loss that is left in the wake of his absence. For so many of us. And we didn’t even know him personally. We never had the pleasure of
shaking his hand, feeling
one of his bear hugs, laughing over a meal with this man. This heroic, broken, giving, courageous man. Yet the pang is deep Shockingly, I’m guessing,
for you? It’s the same for
me. It seems almost irrational. Yet I have found myself in tears more than once since the news broke yesterday. I have felt
wounded. Scared. Strangely, almost morbidly grateful for my life, & small in the face of how insurmountable it feels at times. This man touched me, so many of us, so I deeply I think, because of how much he was willing to
share. He was fearless for his art. Nothing was off limits. For a laugh. For a heart wrenching moment of honesty. For a real and true and honest portrayal of what it means to be human. To throw a humorous punch at how silly humanity can be sometimes. His face, when I boil down this feeling, reminded me to LIVE. To push a little harder. To throw myself head first, truly, madly, & deliciously into the things I believe in. And I didn’t even know him. What I do know is
that he was human. He was broken. He shared those struggles, honestly, with people. And in that arena made people feel less alone. What I know is thatdepression is a foe you cannot turn your back on. What I do know is that you are not alone. It’s okay.
” – Sophia Bush
The whole world is talking about depression right now, I have seen many articles about depression (where you’re less likely to find them) in the last 24 hours. Maybe more people can start educating themselves on this mental illness, be more forgiving, be more accepting and less judgemental.
Death is not a solution it’s an end, there is no alternative to life but there are alternative lives, the last part is something I am yet to firmly believe in my heart because of this stagnation.
Rest in peace Robin Williams and all the other broken people like us who took their own lives.