It’s getting harder to carry on, I am not living and feel like I am merely riding it out for the sake of my family- this is who I am now, I am so ashamed.
A year ago if you would have told me that a year later I would be feeling this way, that it would be this bad and I’d be this sad weak person, I wouldn’t have believed it. All the emotions are so intense and more unbearable than before, I can’t stop crying and sleep is my bestfriend.
I feel as though I have been seeking answers all this time and now that I know the answers I wish I had stop digging because the truth and reality are so cruel. I wish I had remained ignorant of this hurt, I wish I had been complacent maybe if I didn’t want to be more, to be different & be what is authentically me I wouldn’t have suffered. Maybe if I hadn’t dreamed so big and instead just slipped into an insignificant existence I wouldn’t have gotten my heart broken when it all didn’t fall into place. I did slip into an insignificant.miserable existence, I literally woke up a year later only to realise that I have become who I never thought I’d be, the truth is a bitter pill I don’t think I can swallow. I don’t know what to do and there’s since sense of urgency that just consumes me, like time is running out.
I know I am young and should remain hopeful but I just can’t see any change past this state I am in.