I might be getting a phone call for a job interview between Wednesday and Thursday, the organization is kind of a big deal… well to me anyway. I should be excited and/or nervous but I am not, instead I’m dreading seeing myself literally ooze out of my pencil skirt. Then there’s the will I be able to cope starting a job now while I’m entering the most crucial months of my program I have exams soon & a draining research project to finalize. I’ve done this dance before, the worrying and the fear but all times I ended up not getting the job.
I’m itching for change, I have been for a while. Actually I’m crying out for change but now there is the possibility of change happening the familiar suddenly seems safer and not that bad but then I remember the state I was in last week and I am reminded that I need to embrace the change.
In my heart there’s still this sadness cemented in there, a void that I hope can be filled. My biggest nightmare is waking up one day and realising that there is nothing that can ever feel the void. I am okay today, yesterday I was too I might have shed a tear or two but I could manage.
This week I found a faint silver lining behind a cloud and it’s not long till it disappears. I don’t want to be this person who can’t get out of bed and won’t stop crying for two weeks then recovers for the next two weeks only to repeat it all again.