I might be getting a phone call for a job interview between Wednesday and Thursday, the organization is kind of a big deal… well to me anyway. I should be excited and/or nervous  but I am not, instead I’m dreading seeing myself literally ooze out of my pencil skirt. Then there’s the will I be able to cope starting a job now while I’m entering the most crucial months of my program I have exams soon & a draining research project to finalize. I’ve done this dance before, the worrying and the fear  but all times I ended up not getting the job.

I’m itching for change, I have been for a while. Actually I’m crying out for change but now there is the possibility of change happening the familiar suddenly seems safer and not that bad but then I remember the state I was in last week and I am reminded that I need to embrace the change.

In my heart there’s still this sadness cemented in there, a void that I hope can be filled. My biggest nightmare is waking up one day and realising that there is nothing that can ever feel the void. I am okay today, yesterday I was too I might have shed a tear or two but I could manage.

This week I found a faint silver lining behind a cloud and it’s not long till it disappears. I don’t want to be this person who can’t get out of bed and won’t stop crying for two weeks then recovers for the next two weeks only to repeat it all again.


5 thoughts on “Prospect

  1. i know this feeling. i wish i had some words of encouragement. but truth be told, i’m in the same boat as you, so i just don’t know. but it’s always good to know you aren’t alone.

  2. Hello Love,

    I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I, too, often feel like something is missing from my life. I just feel so empty and I don’t know what to do about it. I try to surround myself with friends, strive for career goals, try to keep active…but nothing gives me fulfillment for very long. I hate admitting this but I do feel less empty when I am in a relationship. But I need to learn how to feel whole when I’m alone.

    And of course, adding to that feeling is the fact that I am never happy with my body and I just end up feeling so depressed 😦

    I hope you feel better soon, Love. I’m always here to talk if you need to. And good luck on the job interview! You’re going to rock it!


    • I identify with what you said about the need to learn to feel whole when alone, for me it’s not feeling whole in a romantic relationship but feeling whole when certain people are around and then the day is over & you find yourself back in your room alone with all your thoughts… like here we go again.

      Thanks for your kind words, for you I wish alleviation to the feeling of emptiness. I’m always here too if you need to talk. Cheers 🙂

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