Everything went from “maybe we’ll call you” to actually getting the phone call so Friday is the day of the interview at 8am sharp. I’ve only ever been to one job interview, most of the numerous job applications I have sent have never gotten to the interview stage so I have no experience with that stuff but something tells me I’ll be okay. If I dress well, present myself with class then the rest is up to whether it’s meant to be or not. You really can’t dwell on these things.
I must confess before this in terms of applying for jobs I didn’t want to want it because wanting is dangerous if it doesn’t go well but now I genuinely want it, it’s time for me to bust my arse off like everyone else. If you put yourself in a mind frame of not wanting anything because of fear of the unknown then surely you won’t get anything. The situation at home isn’t ideal like it always is, I don’t want to go down with this ship so I have to get out. There is no fighting or epic arguments but just this miserable atmosphere and you know an absence of war does not mean peace.
A job to me isn’t just a job it means a much needed shift in many aspects of my disordered life (eating disorders breed on routine) and opening of doors, meeting new people and (it makes me cringe when people say this) living in the real world. I am opening up myself up to a possibility and in this moment I have belief in the certainty of it all coming to pass. Maybe I am an optimist in denial but I highly doubt it, optimism – now that’s one terrifying word.