Bulimia and I are holding on to each other, each time I open my mouth to consume something a signal is sent to my brain and a feeding frenzy commences. My body feels abused as it should, the mind is full of thoughts.. my veins are filled with caffeine and indifference. 50 days until 2015 and what I have excelled at besides perpetuating these behaviours. I am violently craving self-improvement, I want to be the person I envision myself to be.. I want to awaken the shell of a person I have become and build a better version of me but I don’t have the parts to build anything.
Words can’t fully express the state of having the WILL within every fibre of your being you can feel it buzzing in your fingers but there’s no WAY and so the motivation dies a slow painful death. The world will not build a pathway to your door but I am trying can’t the universe meet me halfway. Hard work+luck = success so they say and it’s evident in my case luck is definitely missing from the equation.