comfortably numb

Dinner-eaten. Birthday cake- scoffed. Lips shimmering from the butter scotch icing, I feel icky & undisciplined. An animal. It is all sitting in my gut, this heavy weight and I can’t stop sipping on this coffee worsening this state, I need release. I need it bad but NO, not today. I can live with all this food in me.

There were no tears today just sadness. My family did all they could to cheer me up but over the years it’s like we’ve come to a complicit understanding and that is for them to not take it personally and not to ask what’s wrong when I am having the birthday blues. It’s pathetic on my part for everyone walking on eggshells around me then saying something in the distance in the hope that maybe that’ll be the thing that will pull me out of this desolate state.

It’s almost 8pm and pondering everything but I am OKAY, truly. I’m comfortably numb.

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One thought on “comfortably numb

  1. Happy birthday. I too suffer birthday blues. Time of reflection, time for looking back over another year. For me it is always full of regrets, should of, why didn’t I? Makes for a miserable day.

    I hope maybe you would celebrate the fact that other people want to celebrate you. And they want to do that because they love and value you. A hard thing to comprehend considering the disorder we suffer.

    Lots of love xx

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