It’s beginning to dawn on me just how close I really am to something better left unknown. I have pathetically fallen for someone & it intensifies each day to the point where I feel I will burst into flames just from desire. Like a dream that you wake from fading away & out of reach, in my grasp but not quite. It’s a cluster fuck of emotions, it feels good to WANT at least that’s how I know I’m still alive but it’s dangerous in the way my self-worth just dissipates because I don’t feel worthy of his time especially with so many fish the sea he swims … He has so many options and I’m just gettable… wrapped around his finger (unbeknown to him) but not naive.
You ignore all the other guys thinking they don’t measure up but then someone comes along and makes you question what you ever really thought was special about yourself… It’s not as tragic or melancholic as it sounds but I assure you it slightly gnaws away at you… it’s maddening.
It’s frustrating how that fine line between reality and what I conjure up in my head tends to get blurry, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.