The dinner dance

Stepping on a scale before deciding whether I’m worthy of my dinner or not, I feel ill… got a stomach ache from this week’s incessant purging, nauseous and in need of something salty. I know not having a proper dinner will only end up driving me insane from weird cravings later.
My brother is cooking and the fusion of food smells is driving me crazy and not in a good way.

Fuck it, I’ll eat a pastry thingy… I won’t die and my waistline won’t expand overnight.


8 thoughts on “The dinner dance

  1. You poor thing j know exactly what you mean. Ever watched skinny vs supersize me or something? The skinny girls can eat more than they think they can and still be skinny!

    • I love that show though I tend to watch it in secret because my family reckons watching it “gives me ideas” pfff. You’re so right the skinny girls clear up massive plates of food and I always get the sense that their disordered eating isn’t that entrenched because of how quickly they adjust or they say the right things just for show and it’s different behind the scenes because how do they stay skinny.

      • Yeah i think some of it is scripted but ots entertaining all the same. I like to skip the diet fads bit! My favourite is just watching the fat/skinny people eat

  2. Take care of yourself, dear 🙂
    I know I used to be so caught up in my eating disorder that it would drive me up the wall. Keeping track, being OCD-like with the food I ate everyday, I would re-think it all over and over in my head. Looking back with the clarity I discovered 7 years ago, it didn’t get me anywhere. I’ve also learned that our human bodies only respond to love, and that our binge-purge cycles just bloats us and never leads to an actual happy ending. Once I began rethinking my life and the situation, as I reevaluated my thoughts, I noticed my eating disorder consumed most of them. You are perfect as you are.. You don’t have to punish this way. Precious one, you deserve to be happy 🙂 This life is so short. Now, 6 months to being 30, I get that.

    It’s awesome that you did eat in the end. You are right-the waistline won’t expand overnight or as we think it will. Food isn’t our enemy. Our thoughts and the attitudes we have toward our bodies are.
    I wish you the best! Keep on with resisting the lies of ED. Do not be deceived, you are wonderfully and fearfully made ❤

    • This life truly is short and no matter how much you binge, purge or starve it will never be enough… I always say perfection is six feet under, the “perfect” anorexic is dead, the “perfect” bulimic is dead. Thank you so much and I hope your journey to 30 will be filled with all the things that mean the most to you. God bless 🙂

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