Someone dear to me told me that he loves me (no man has ever said that to me) and that his feelings for me scares him because he feels strongly for me more than he felt for the woman he was going to marry. He expressed how he feels in an apologetic sincere way that is almost heartbreaking and I found myself looking for the right words to say to this man who I have known for 2 years now. My rock, the one who knows all my secrets and the one I pick up the phone to text when I feel like I have reached the end of my rope. It would be a perfect union, him and I because we connect on a spiritual and emotional level but I am shallow and hooked on some notion of the specific type of man I am supposed to be with. There isn’t fire in the pit of my stomach when I talk to him, no desire of that nature only a strong feeling of compassion and gratitude.
In all honesty though I am caught in between two men, the one is him who confessed.. he is sweet, feels deeply like I do, he is a writer to me that’s an amazing quality, he cares about me and not what I have to offer him, knows my vulnerabilities and flaws but cares anyway and he is there. Always. Then there is the other one who lives 12 hours away, amazing personality, is incredibly handsome, he makes my stomach hurt and I can see myself with him in the future and by that I mean I would so have his babies and create a home with him but he doesn’t know who I really am not entirely… bulimia etc and in turn I don’t really know him, he shares his life with me and what he gets up to but truthfully I only know those aspects of himself that he chooses to reveal to me and the chances of us creating something and sustaining is so small because as it turns out distance is a bitch, so why am I running towards him or to be more accurate the possibility of him. What is driving me towards this man and running away from what could be an amazing union with someone within my grasp but like I said I am shallow and when you don’t feel for someone you don’t.
This man will be my demise (the one who lives 12 hours away) not gonna go all romance novel on you all but it’s just that I have never felt this acute type of yearning and it’s killing me and the thrilling part is that I know he is thinking of me too.