The sky won’t break

Today was spent baking treats it’s like something possessed me because I ended up baking for close to 6 hours but it was all worth it because it kept me occupied and gave me a much needed break from my studying. It’s grim isn’t it… studying away during this festive season but it’s not so bad just need to manage my time very carefully since we’re going to be visiting a lot of family and people are probably going to be visiting.

I promised myself that this year I will eat food at my gran’s, I don’t care if it’ll be drenched in oil I will eat my way around it and soldier through. I don’t think I can bear the hurt look on her face this year, I won’t die from eating a Christmas lunch and retaining it. It’s okay. The sky won’t break- that’s my motto these days, to me it means there won’t be major repercussions from taking a course of action that I am afraid of taking because of my refusal to step outside of my comfort/safe zone.

I had a major anxiety attack in my bed last, I can’t say anything in particular brought it on but I just started crying and I couldn’t breathe so I had to breathe through my mouth and basically calm myself down, I felt this need to get up and do something violent or maybe get up and run all I know is I just wanted to do something to take the edge off. When I woke up this morning I was fine and I am still fine.

It’s almost an hour until Christmas here and I am about to crack open my textbook and do a bit of studying, no excuses… I have to keep up the momentum.

Merry Christmas to you all, I hope it will be filled with laughter that which we all seek, may you be surrounded by loved ones who make your heart warm.

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