Violent reinvention

I love going on road trips, my feet on the dashboard, conversation flowing, overcast skies, seeing mountains and rivers running, it gives me the feeling of escaping my problems and home, the drive back home always leaves my heart heavy and makes me acutely aware of how trapped I feel.

The whole of the first week of this year my mum and I have been driving to different places like crazy, not anywhere far but it has been amazing. So amazing it made me cry in my bed this other day because it was so perfect.

If I had my way I would go and live in a woodland, I crave to breath a different kind of air and experience a new life, this life I am living feels like a worn out shoe, it just doesn’t fit me. I was born on a precipice of possibility in the sense that ever since birth I have always felt like I was on my way to something better but this is real life and I have been tethered to the precipice since, never moving but always on the verge of tipping off the edge.

I grow weary and I no longer have any idea why I do what I do, reasoned action is a thing of the past I’m simply existing while waiting for something, I don’t care what as long as it is the violent reinvention I so desperately crave.


3 thoughts on “Violent reinvention

  1. I understand this feeling. I’ve always dreamed of living on a farm in the country and raising animals and just being out in nature. That’s what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to do the traditional thing like driving to work in the city. Hate that idea. But how would I make money and how what I have the money to live on farm in the first place? I don’t know. But I believe that one day my dreams will come true. Just don’t know when. Your dreams will come true too.

    • The farm life seems so peaceful doesn’t it, just typing this I felt a breeze of farm air brushing against my cheek lol. I too hate the idea of a 9-5 soul sucking job but at this point and age I’m willing to do anything so I can sail towards my dreams, let’s be slaves to the bright lights up ahead and all of this will be a distant memory someday 🙂

  2. Went on a road trip yesterday. It was magic and the heavy heart you explain so well was with me on return journey. Out of my environment, I get a blessed break from me and my life. Almost reinvention.

    I have struggled with a void all my life that I have felt needed to be filled with something better, that there is a missing piece, I should be doing something else. I’ve yet to find out what ‘it’ is …. I’m deeply suspecting, I never will xx

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