It’s really liberating when you get to that point where you still like someone but you no longer see them as god and you can to some extent be yourself around them.
I doubt things when they don’t feel organic, most of the time it’s me trying to come up with “material” so I can make myself more interesting like I have depth but also an off the cuff disposition, surely if you have to come up with material almost after 6 months of feeling each other out then it’s artificial and I’m sure I want that type of thing.
The fact that I just found out that his family are really well known and rich (just googling half of his surname and loads of stuff about his family shows up). I’m not one to find someone more appealing because of wealth instead, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction because I feel inferior. Just looking at pictures of him and his family made me realise that there is no way I could ever fit into that perfect circle. They all have great bodies, amazing hair, perfect teeth and great clothes. It’s funny because thinking that really is me jumping the gun again, being presumptuous and imagining these situations in my head.
It also doesn’t help that he has these female friends, those gorgeous curvy brunette types who look like greek goddesses and it drives me up the wall. He lives a fulfilled life with activities, a bunch of friends, what would he do with a recluse like me.
I need a break from him and his perfection. I am losing my mind, for now I’m done with our back and forth texting and talking about things with no substance, just the usual not getting anywhere repetitive chatter. I won’t be restarting my phone like a crazy chick 4 times a day just to make sure my phone is fully functioning. I feel manic just replaying things in my head and I can’t concentrate, it’s relentless, this feeling.