Letting Go

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Christopher mckenney - Letting go

“Letting go”- Christopher Mckenney

The notion of letting go reverberates endlessly in my heart. I have so much to let go however, I am that type of person that clings on to every silly thing.

I am trying to let go of bulimia but the more I try to distance myself from it,  the more I seem to find dirt in my finger nails from holding on to it.  We are one, she and I, bound by some force. I needed her then because she seemed perfect, fitting perfectly into my life, my bright idea. I birthed a monster, the darkness that seeps from the cracks is my creation. I can’t carry her with me anymore, she is now significant and seeps into every aspect of my life, that nagging unbearable urge coursing through my veins.

Letting go – My hatred for my father which is a recurring topic on here, I have to let go of my hatred towards him, I despise him with everything that I am and all that I am not. He can’t seem to leave me alone which makes it worse, no amount of tea cups or painfully aggravating small talk could ever make up for all the turmoil he put us through growing up. He still exhibits the same abusive patterns, he is a bitter man who has such disrespect for women, an emotional abuser who thinks he is the victim never mind the knife in my back or the blood on his hands, it makes me physically ill.

I have a long way to go before I can rid myself of all these terrible afflictions and emotions, this toxic waste sitting on my lungs. I have become toxic myself, filled with so much negativity but I’m a hypocrite for not practising what I preach.

Letting go – Someday not today. Bit by bit until there is nothing left to hold on to. I guess.

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