It’s actually hard to eat when someone is asking you endless questions “You are eating the whole portion right?” “Is it delicious” “Really” “So I should buy more of that” “What did you eat today” etc etc. It’s already hard enough eating AND eating in front of people, just please keep quiet and let me just eat. I hate feeling observed and inspected. Eating in front of people makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. I don’t know how to eat normally so I pace myself, 95% of the time I eat alone and it usually ends in a binge and purge. I don’t know any different.
Today was messy, haphazard snacking, a binge and purge some more snacking and purging… more snacking. I can smell vomit in my nose. I ate dinner, a delicious beef pie. It’s done, I will not be on my knees abusing myself…. not tonight.