Note to self

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Please be brave

It’s almost midnight and I’m in my bed swallowing up food rising up my throat that my body is demanding to rid of, it is not used to retaining food. I could easily purge and take the easy steep road and come off this. Bravery, discipline and most importantly restraint is what is needed here. It’s so hard but I will not, I’m ill, my body is broken. Bit by bit my body is disintegrating, someone on here once wrote of engaging in the process of dying because you’re not actually dying there and then but you’re killing emotions. I have sharp pains in my abdomen region, my chest feels heavy and cold like I have cold air stuck in my chest. I feel dead, dead and fed. I’ll sleep, today’s battles have been fought or more accurately I’ve spent the day dodging bullets but I still came out wounded.

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