These Waters

I have a date tomorrow with a guy I met online, he gets nervous when making plans and ceases to make sense and keeps blathering which I find amusing. He cancelled on me last weekend on account of his work schedule which is extremely tight and that left me feeling crushed, paranoid and abandoned.

I am excited and a bit nervous, these are whole new waters to me. I plan on being careful, I plan on being the best version of myself. I just hope he doesn’t let me down again, I do not want the risk of seeming too available, too keen and desperate if he reschedules again and I have to say yes because it’s not so much about him if I am to be ever so honest, this to me goes far beyond just a date or some guy, this is some of break out from these elastic binds of tedious repetition, some need born out of the desire to experience new things and new people. Some kind of rebirth. Me, conquering my anxiety.

I have much to do, I cannot wait.

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