​I have posted about winds of change before . A certain day when I am free of all that plagues me, something devours the lethargy. Today I woke up at 5:30am, I sighed the moment I woke. It was so dark and I was still.. miserable. This familiar a.m. scene,  it’s starting to feel played out.

Today for once, I resisted the oppressive feeling in me to want to stay at home, to not get out of bed, to not shower until nightfall. To just let another mundane day bleed into another. The last time I was out of the house, I burst into tears in the middle of the street. In broad daylight.

I capitalised on this sudden burst of drive and want. I got up and went to an audition, it went well. I felt important and admired. Narc supply. I came home and ate, sat and texted. My migraine is too throbbing for me to think otherwise. It still hurts but I think I can still accomplish my dreams, find another door to push into.

I passed by our spot this afternoon, I shifted my gaze firmly away. Its too much. He is everywhere I look, his name lives in the spaces between each breath I take. Despite all this, I think I can live without him. 


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