Slight lift

I treated myself to a book, there is this vintage store which I have been going to since I was a teenager, when my life is in this lost state I always gravitate towards that corner store and I always always find an uplifting read buried in there. Always. I am not big on self help books, I like a story, autobiographies that take me on a journey. I need to be utterly absorbed but this book though not a self help book, is filled with wisdom. It covers mental illness and the author doesn’t dwell which is just perfect for me.

This week I have been on the move, I have energy and drive, it tapers off at some point but it has been a while since I have felt this way. I can get out of bed. I have left the house 3 out of 5 days which is a massive improvement from once last week and the week before. The dark cloud has been slightly lifted. My moods are a  moment to moment thing but the spaces between being numb and breaking down are growing wider.

I still cry everyday but not heavy intolerable sobs. The depression isn’t as vengeful and violent this week, just this quiet deep  sadness. I can contain myself.

It has been so peaceful to place a self imposed ban on social media and text messages. I took the time out to be on my own and heal the only way I thought would be best at that point in time.  I have a long way to go, of this I’m sure of but I think I am ready for social interaction again. Better now before I begin to experience the dark side of solitude.


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